is it ridiculous to say, i was really excited to write a page two?

if anyone does read this, can they answer me the question: what is the purpose for a blog? because i genuinely dont know, im guessing its just to write about things you feel are important… I may be wrong. what is the purpose of a blog? hmmmm

the purpose im using it for is self expression, a place where my everyday friends and family cannot read this.
now i dont have anything to hide, theres just some things i would rather not say? yanoe what i mean?

maybe you dont, i feel im asking questions to something or someone who may not even be listening or reading… weird…

an interesting thing happened to me today that i would like to share with you.
i was in school, thinking, looking around at people, people im friends with and people im not.
Some i like and some i dislike
and i looked around and thought to myself “im a right bitch”

this is the kind of thing i am thinking about right now. I actually genuinely feel im a horrible person and i cant seem to see where this has come from…
my ability to keep a grudge on someone is dreadful, i can never ‘forgive and forget’ as they say because i always think ‘if they’ve done it once, they’ll do it again’
when a friendship of mine breaks for a horrible reason like for example they’ve chatted shit and i found out, no matter how hard i try to think “no, just move on Shaliza” its like in the back on my mind i think “remember what he/she did?” and its just a horrible thing to think.

like for example theres someone in my school who i dont speak to very much because of problems that have gone on between my friends and that person. there were quite a few confrontations and stuff and the friendship ended horribly but now like slowly slowly me and my friends do speak words to him/her, its not the same as before but we are civil to each other, and everytime i see that person, i think to myself “yanoe what, everyone chats shit, ive chatted shit before so why do i give a shit if he/she did? if they dont wanna admit it thats their problem, i just shouldnt trust them”
but its hard, i cant forgive him/her so easily. its like, theyve done this before and now they did it again and when someone looses my trust like that, its so very difficult to actually get over it. its just how i am. i hate being the ‘bitch’ who isnt moving on, but i cant move on with anything in my life.

i sit and just think sometimes of horrible things ive done
horrible things ive said
things i couldve prevented
and most importantly… times where i havent stood up for myself and what i believe in.

im not asking for anyones pity and for anyone to understand, i just want people to know that sometimes you’ve got to learn to move on with things.

an argument that now should be forgotten, cant be forgotten for me and i hope no one ever suffers the same problem as me.
lol moral of the story? be happy your not Shaliza.

Yours Truly
Shaliza Something.


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